Mommy
In early 2024, I encountered a woodlouse spider in my basement apartment in Chicago, IL. I had never seen such a large spider in Chicago. I was paralyzed with fear and couldn’t sleep much that night. To overcome my fear, I spent the next 24 hours googling images of woodlouse spiders and learned that the spider I saw was already dead because it was missing its thorax. That night, while I smoked in my backyard, I saw another woodlouse spider. It was cold outside and the spider was moving very slowly. My perspective had shifted from complete and utter fear to an understanding and sympathy for this creature.
A few months later, I went to the MCA and saw a piece by Louise Bourgeois, and began to think about her famous spider, Maman. Bourgeois represented her mother as a spider for being a weaver, for being resilient, and for being a protector. I did some research about spiders and motherhood and found that spiders are some of the best mothers, particularly the wolf spider. The wolf spider is the only spider to carry her egg sac with her as well as her newborn babies on her back, which is terrifying!
All of this spider research and Maman culminated through this sculpture, Mommy, which represents my fear of motherhood and the unconventional beauty of being a mother. I have always wanted to be a mother, but I am afraid. I am afraid of childbirth, aging, failure, and most of all the unpredictable and violent world that I would be bringing a child into. It is not as straightforward to overcome my fear of motherhood as it was to overcome my fear of a spider, but I am trying. As Louise Bourgeois said, “I transform hate into love.”